I started, ever so slightly, to stir up real consciousness three years ago when I first started realizing something was wrong with my body.
I went to many doctors.
Nothing was wrong.
It was all in Brooke’s head, and we all know her fantasies and imaginations, and her embellishments and exaggerations to make stories more dreamy and spectacular than they really were ... to get attention.
But, as most here know, I WAS eat up with an obscure strain of one of the most sneakiest cancers.
And, most also know the journey I’ve taken the last three years .... all the pain, all the struggle, all the gut-wrenching (literally) surgeries, all the chemicals/drugs, and systemic radiation treatments.
I walked away from all of that last year, and stepped out on Faith, and chose a more natural way of trying to heal.
I gained strength, and put on weight.
However, unforeseen circumstances became such that I was forced to even stop THAT.
My physical health is fading fast.
Three months ago, I told my mother that my bones HURT.
And, now, that hurt has morphed into excruciating pain.
I fell into another deep, scary sleep three weeks ago .... and disappeared ... from which I’m slowly emerging out of again.
And, yet, where is this newfound inner-strength coming from?????
I’m waking up, my peeps.
Welcome to the New Age.
You with me?
I’m sharing my Journey with you ... if you want it.
If you don’t, I will understand if you leave.
I understand loss.
Lots and lots of loss.
But I’m at peace.
Just know I love you.
All others:
LET’S DO THIS ... we have Work to do ... time to Wake Up.
The Time of Serving Two Masters ... or trying to serve two masters ... is Done.
It’s time to wake up.
I’m sharing my Self with y’all to try to show you how a real human with real sins and real shortcomings and real struggles CAN OVERCOME IF they wake up.
No matter what you’ve done ... no matter what you’re doing ... YOU HAVE A CONSCIENCE ... there’s a Small Voice in there trying to speak to you.
The Holy Spirit wants desperately to fill that small, but VAST, space within you.
I’m trying to help you notice it so you can tune into it.
I will use whatever tools necessary to reach out to you ... I’m choosing to share with you songs that personally motivate me through their hidden Messages.
Do some of these songs have a rough edge to them?
Yes.
But this world, and our Lives, have rough edges.
Stop being so timid.
There are hidden Spiritual Messages EVERYWHERE.
You only have to open your eyes and ears.
If what I share bothers you .... maybe it’s time to ask your Self WHY.
However, real Warriors will feel a rush course through their body that will make them want to turn up the volume, and grab their Swords to help Christ conquer this evil world ... those are my peeps.
Warriors for the Word ... this will be a voracious Calling for His People.
Warriors......not wimps.
Grab your sword; onward Christian Soldiers!!!!!!!!!!
The ONLY so-called “attention” I “want” is for y’all to WAKE UP.
This song symbolizes a part of my journey.
I don’t know how much time I have left, and I don’t care.
I have a Real job now, and I have Work to do.
Think what you will.
I only care what He thinks from now on.

​Good Morning, my precious peeps.
Something to Ponder Today:
If you were arrested for being a Follower of the True Christ ....... would there be enough evidence to convict you?

​STOP trying to “find Him” with your head, your intellect, your logic, your mind, your research, and your reasonings, your vanity ....  these are all forms of godliness without any Power at all.
JUST STOP, and BE STILL.
Hush.
Listen.
Be still.
Look.
Open Your Eyes.
There’s Another Way. A Better Way.

If the extraordinary Word of God is going to judge us .... we had better know what IT says, and not merely rely upon what some stinky o’nasty ordinary human mouth says it says.

God does not wish bad on us, but sometimes bad things happen. The Almighty does promise to turn the bad into good. Would we be the same people if the bad hadn't happened? I find that damaged people are more accepting, they're more empathetic, and they are more self-aware. Pushing yourself beyond victimhood, and straight into survivor, changes you. We are not broken. We are not burnt. We have become the sword and the flame. We are warriors who know the battle, and we warriors know that  scars show bravery and resilience. We will overcome what is thrown at us because we know the crucible….and we've beat it.

Please Forgive Me

How many times have you said those words ... how many times have you been sorry? 

If you are like me, you say “please forgive me” quite often, and mean it ... if you are
like me, you’ve been “sorry” too many times to count. 

Daily ... sorry, too many times to count, daily.

And, yet, still mean it.

But how is this possible ... how is it possible to feel sad and sorry for doing the same 
foolish things over and over, with regret afterwards, and really mean it?

Is my regret, and request for forgiveness, really sincere ... even though my behavior 
seems to prove otherwise? 

Many probably feel/think I am a hopeless hypocrite ... and they would be right.

Many probably feel/think I apologize way too much, and many probably feel/think that 
I go to the extreme with my constant over-awareness of disappointing, letting down, 
messing up, and “missing the mark” so often .... and, if they do feel/think that about 
me, they would be right.

But at least I am aware of, and fight, the other extreme.

What is the other extreme, and why are there two extremes?

We are all human beings ... we all have this thing called human nature, and we were 
born with it.

As we grow, we develop individuality ... that individuality is called personality ... and 
along with our individual personalities, and personal experiences in Life, we also 
develop subconscious defense mechanisms.

All of this is natural ... human nature is, by its very nature, natural.

The most sophisticated “defense mechanisms” in the combined world militaries 
cannot compare, or compete, with the automatic, knee-jerk, in-grained  subconscious defense mechanisms we humans have within us to counter, deflect, and intercept criticism, embarrassment, fear, insecurity, shame, etc ... real, OR imagined.

It is rare for us to take any of these things easily ... external, from others outside of our Selves, OR internal, from within our own Selves.

Suggest we are somehow inadequate, or that we are in error someway, or that we
have somewhere failed .... and we become instantly defensive, perhaps even angry.

We learn to argue, belittle, blow-up, cry, deny, dodge, distract, hide, ignore, lie, omit, 
project, rationalize, ridicule, withhold .............So, as you can see, it is human nature 
to develop these elaborate defenses to try to protect our ego.

Therefore, saying "I'm sorry" ... and really meaning it ... is something rare for most of
us since prideful, self-righteous (and self-preserving, self-serving) human nature
makes it really, really hard to admit wrong.

We are, by nature, hostile to the idea that we might be wrong.

With our thick-skinned conscience and thin-skinned ego, we face each other  (even 
those we love; even God Himself) with bitter defiance ... how dare someone criticize 
us, or disagree with us, or find some kind of fault/imperfection in us, or question us, or 
suggest to us a better way. 

The opposite end of the “extreme spectrum” rarely apologizes outwardly, rarely admits
real regret/remorse, and rarely confesses sincere shame for their damaging 
actions/words ... and, if they do, it is nowhere near enough.

Or ... if they do ... the apology is discounted with a “but” in there somewhere, or 
delivered with a cool demeanor and a small snide smirk.

But I digress.

I have addressed what I see as the two extremes, and now I need to address the 
question: why are there two extremes.

BECAUSE:  We are ALL human, with human natures.

There are two types of us human beings, within human natures,  here on earth ... 
those who feel/think carnally, and those who feel/think spiritually.

The subject of carnality and spirituality needs to be given its own blog. 

But, basically, there are those of us ... the majority of us ... who feel/think in the flesh: 
physically ... and then there are those of us ... the minority ... who feel/think in the 
Spirit: spiritually.

What does it mean to feel/think spiritually? And how does one do it?

By the renewing of your mind.

“And be not conformed to this world: but be transformed by the renewing of your
mind, that you may prove what is the Good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. 
Let he who rules, rule with diligence; and let he who shows mercy, show mercy with 
cheerfulness. Let Love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to 
that which is Good. Be of the same mind one toward another. Be not wise in your own
conceits. Recompense to no man evil for evil. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome 
evil with Good.”

Definition of Dissimulation: concealment of one's thoughts, feelings, or character; 
bluff, bluffing, dissembling, deceit, dishonesty, duplicity, faking, feigning, guile, lying, 
posturing, projecting, sarcasm, subterfuge, veiled threats, withholding.

You have to choose to feel, and see, and think differently ... and once you make that 
choice, you still need God’s help because of your human nature.

Our carnality, our flesh, our physical human nature goes directly AGAINST God’s 
Good nature ... “because the carnal mind is enmity against God.”

I don’t feel/think like the majority ... I am acutely aware, and very sensitive, to the fact 
that I am different. 

Even weird, yes, I said it: I AM WEIRD.

And even though I am acutely aware, and very sensitive, of my own faults, flaws, 
shortcomings, sins, and weaknesses ... and even though I am sincerely sorry for them
all ... this acute awareness, and sensitivity, does not stop me from failing.

Daily ... I fail daily ... I fail my daughters, my miracles ... I fail my friends ... I fail  the Man I love ... I fail my own Self ... I fail God Himself ... DAILY ... and, I am sincerely sorry every single time I do.

But how is this possible ... how is it possible to feel sad and sorry for doing the same 
foolish things over and over, with regret afterwards, and really mean it? 

Is my regret, and request for forgiveness, really sincere ... even though my behavior 
seems to prove otherwise?

Many probably feel/think I am a hopless hypocrite ... and they would be right.

I AM.

For the things I find myself doing, I wish I wouldn't do ... and the things I want to do, 
I seem unable to do ... and the bad things that I don't want to do, I seem to find myself 
doing ... ALL THE DADGUM TIME.

That makes me feel really sad, and sorry.

The Apostle Paul felt the same way ... what a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me 
from this body, this carnal mind, that is subject to death?

Please forgive me.

To be continued ...........