Please Forgive Me
How many times have you said those words ... how many times have you been sorry?
If you are like me, you say “please forgive me” quite often, and mean it ... if you are
like me, you’ve been “sorry” too many times to count.
Daily ... sorry, too many times to count, daily.
And, yet, still mean it.
But how is this possible ... how is it possible to feel sad and sorry for doing the same
foolish things over and over, with regret afterwards, and really mean it?
Is my regret, and request for forgiveness, really sincere ... even though my behavior
seems to prove otherwise?
Many probably feel/think I am a hopeless hypocrite ... and they would be right.
Many probably feel/think I apologize way too much, and many probably feel/think that
I go to the extreme with my constant over-awareness of disappointing, letting down,
messing up, and “missing the mark” so often .... and, if they do feel/think that about
me, they would be right.
But at least I am aware of, and fight, the other extreme.
What is the other extreme, and why are there two extremes?
We are all human beings ... we all have this thing called human nature, and we were
born with it.
As we grow, we develop individuality ... that individuality is called personality ... and
along with our individual personalities, and personal experiences in Life, we also
develop subconscious defense mechanisms.
All of this is natural ... human nature is, by its very nature, natural.
The most sophisticated “defense mechanisms” in the combined world militaries
cannot compare, or compete, with the automatic, knee-jerk, in-grained subconscious defense mechanisms we humans have within us to counter, deflect, and intercept criticism, embarrassment, fear, insecurity, shame, etc ... real, OR imagined.
It is rare for us to take any of these things easily ... external, from others outside of our Selves, OR internal, from within our own Selves.
Suggest we are somehow inadequate, or that we are in error someway, or that we
have somewhere failed .... and we become instantly defensive, perhaps even angry.
We learn to argue, belittle, blow-up, cry, deny, dodge, distract, hide, ignore, lie, omit,
project, rationalize, ridicule, withhold .............So, as you can see, it is human nature
to develop these elaborate defenses to try to protect our ego.
Therefore, saying "I'm sorry" ... and really meaning it ... is something rare for most of
us since prideful, self-righteous (and self-preserving, self-serving) human nature
makes it really, really hard to admit wrong.
We are, by nature, hostile to the idea that we might be wrong.
With our thick-skinned conscience and thin-skinned ego, we face each other (even
those we love; even God Himself) with bitter defiance ... how dare someone criticize
us, or disagree with us, or find some kind of fault/imperfection in us, or question us, or
suggest to us a better way.
The opposite end of the “extreme spectrum” rarely apologizes outwardly, rarely admits
real regret/remorse, and rarely confesses sincere shame for their damaging
actions/words ... and, if they do, it is nowhere near enough.
Or ... if they do ... the apology is discounted with a “but” in there somewhere, or
delivered with a cool demeanor and a small snide smirk.
But I digress.
I have addressed what I see as the two extremes, and now I need to address the
question: why are there two extremes.
BECAUSE: We are ALL human, with human natures.
There are two types of us human beings, within human natures, here on earth ...
those who feel/think carnally, and those who feel/think spiritually.
The subject of carnality and spirituality needs to be given its own blog.
But, basically, there are those of us ... the majority of us ... who feel/think in the flesh:
physically ... and then there are those of us ... the minority ... who feel/think in the
Spirit: spiritually.
What does it mean to feel/think spiritually? And how does one do it?
By the renewing of your mind.
“And be not conformed to this world: but be transformed by the renewing of your
mind, that you may prove what is the Good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
Let he who rules, rule with diligence; and let he who shows mercy, show mercy with
cheerfulness. Let Love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to
that which is Good. Be of the same mind one toward another. Be not wise in your own
conceits. Recompense to no man evil for evil. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome
evil with Good.”
Definition of Dissimulation: concealment of one's thoughts, feelings, or character;
bluff, bluffing, dissembling, deceit, dishonesty, duplicity, faking, feigning, guile, lying,
posturing, projecting, sarcasm, subterfuge, veiled threats, withholding.
You have to choose to feel, and see, and think differently ... and once you make that
choice, you still need God’s help because of your human nature.
Our carnality, our flesh, our physical human nature goes directly AGAINST God’s
Good nature ... “because the carnal mind is enmity against God.”
I don’t feel/think like the majority ... I am acutely aware, and very sensitive, to the fact
that I am different.
Even weird, yes, I said it: I AM WEIRD.
And even though I am acutely aware, and very sensitive, of my own faults, flaws,
shortcomings, sins, and weaknesses ... and even though I am sincerely sorry for them
all ... this acute awareness, and sensitivity, does not stop me from failing.
Daily ... I fail daily ... I fail my daughters, my miracles ... I fail my friends ... I fail the Man I love ... I fail my own Self ... I fail God Himself ... DAILY ... and, I am sincerely sorry every single time I do.
But how is this possible ... how is it possible to feel sad and sorry for doing the same
foolish things over and over, with regret afterwards, and really mean it?
Is my regret, and request for forgiveness, really sincere ... even though my behavior
seems to prove otherwise?
Many probably feel/think I am a hopless hypocrite ... and they would be right.
I AM.
For the things I find myself doing, I wish I wouldn't do ... and the things I want to do,
I seem unable to do ... and the bad things that I don't want to do, I seem to find myself
doing ... ALL THE DADGUM TIME.
That makes me feel really sad, and sorry.
The Apostle Paul felt the same way ... what a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me
from this body, this carnal mind, that is subject to death?
Please forgive me.
To be continued ...........
How many times have you said those words ... how many times have you been sorry?
If you are like me, you say “please forgive me” quite often, and mean it ... if you are
like me, you’ve been “sorry” too many times to count.
Daily ... sorry, too many times to count, daily.
And, yet, still mean it.
But how is this possible ... how is it possible to feel sad and sorry for doing the same
foolish things over and over, with regret afterwards, and really mean it?
Is my regret, and request for forgiveness, really sincere ... even though my behavior
seems to prove otherwise?
Many probably feel/think I am a hopeless hypocrite ... and they would be right.
Many probably feel/think I apologize way too much, and many probably feel/think that
I go to the extreme with my constant over-awareness of disappointing, letting down,
messing up, and “missing the mark” so often .... and, if they do feel/think that about
me, they would be right.
But at least I am aware of, and fight, the other extreme.
What is the other extreme, and why are there two extremes?
We are all human beings ... we all have this thing called human nature, and we were
born with it.
As we grow, we develop individuality ... that individuality is called personality ... and
along with our individual personalities, and personal experiences in Life, we also
develop subconscious defense mechanisms.
All of this is natural ... human nature is, by its very nature, natural.
The most sophisticated “defense mechanisms” in the combined world militaries
cannot compare, or compete, with the automatic, knee-jerk, in-grained subconscious defense mechanisms we humans have within us to counter, deflect, and intercept criticism, embarrassment, fear, insecurity, shame, etc ... real, OR imagined.
It is rare for us to take any of these things easily ... external, from others outside of our Selves, OR internal, from within our own Selves.
Suggest we are somehow inadequate, or that we are in error someway, or that we
have somewhere failed .... and we become instantly defensive, perhaps even angry.
We learn to argue, belittle, blow-up, cry, deny, dodge, distract, hide, ignore, lie, omit,
project, rationalize, ridicule, withhold .............So, as you can see, it is human nature
to develop these elaborate defenses to try to protect our ego.
Therefore, saying "I'm sorry" ... and really meaning it ... is something rare for most of
us since prideful, self-righteous (and self-preserving, self-serving) human nature
makes it really, really hard to admit wrong.
We are, by nature, hostile to the idea that we might be wrong.
With our thick-skinned conscience and thin-skinned ego, we face each other (even
those we love; even God Himself) with bitter defiance ... how dare someone criticize
us, or disagree with us, or find some kind of fault/imperfection in us, or question us, or
suggest to us a better way.
The opposite end of the “extreme spectrum” rarely apologizes outwardly, rarely admits
real regret/remorse, and rarely confesses sincere shame for their damaging
actions/words ... and, if they do, it is nowhere near enough.
Or ... if they do ... the apology is discounted with a “but” in there somewhere, or
delivered with a cool demeanor and a small snide smirk.
But I digress.
I have addressed what I see as the two extremes, and now I need to address the
question: why are there two extremes.
BECAUSE: We are ALL human, with human natures.
There are two types of us human beings, within human natures, here on earth ...
those who feel/think carnally, and those who feel/think spiritually.
The subject of carnality and spirituality needs to be given its own blog.
But, basically, there are those of us ... the majority of us ... who feel/think in the flesh:
physically ... and then there are those of us ... the minority ... who feel/think in the
Spirit: spiritually.
What does it mean to feel/think spiritually? And how does one do it?
By the renewing of your mind.
“And be not conformed to this world: but be transformed by the renewing of your
mind, that you may prove what is the Good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
Let he who rules, rule with diligence; and let he who shows mercy, show mercy with
cheerfulness. Let Love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to
that which is Good. Be of the same mind one toward another. Be not wise in your own
conceits. Recompense to no man evil for evil. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome
evil with Good.”
Definition of Dissimulation: concealment of one's thoughts, feelings, or character;
bluff, bluffing, dissembling, deceit, dishonesty, duplicity, faking, feigning, guile, lying,
posturing, projecting, sarcasm, subterfuge, veiled threats, withholding.
You have to choose to feel, and see, and think differently ... and once you make that
choice, you still need God’s help because of your human nature.
Our carnality, our flesh, our physical human nature goes directly AGAINST God’s
Good nature ... “because the carnal mind is enmity against God.”
I don’t feel/think like the majority ... I am acutely aware, and very sensitive, to the fact
that I am different.
Even weird, yes, I said it: I AM WEIRD.
And even though I am acutely aware, and very sensitive, of my own faults, flaws,
shortcomings, sins, and weaknesses ... and even though I am sincerely sorry for them
all ... this acute awareness, and sensitivity, does not stop me from failing.
Daily ... I fail daily ... I fail my daughters, my miracles ... I fail my friends ... I fail the Man I love ... I fail my own Self ... I fail God Himself ... DAILY ... and, I am sincerely sorry every single time I do.
But how is this possible ... how is it possible to feel sad and sorry for doing the same
foolish things over and over, with regret afterwards, and really mean it?
Is my regret, and request for forgiveness, really sincere ... even though my behavior
seems to prove otherwise?
Many probably feel/think I am a hopless hypocrite ... and they would be right.
I AM.
For the things I find myself doing, I wish I wouldn't do ... and the things I want to do,
I seem unable to do ... and the bad things that I don't want to do, I seem to find myself
doing ... ALL THE DADGUM TIME.
That makes me feel really sad, and sorry.
The Apostle Paul felt the same way ... what a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me
from this body, this carnal mind, that is subject to death?
Please forgive me.
To be continued ...........
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